A problematic social issue, a unit called to respond.
A man struggles to right his wrong.
“If I had said ‘no’ instead of ‘yes’ when they asked me to do this thing, then maybe I would have turned out a hero instead of what I’ve become.
We were trained, hired with the promise of a good wage, to take care of a problem, to get things under control. As a man, I needed to succeed for myself, for my family living in a cycle of poverty in the sertão, the backlands. The earnings proved excellent, and far outweighed the promises made by the controlling peasant guerrillas. But the other part of it… If I knew then what I know now…
I can’t live with myself…
I can’t live.
If I could take it back. Everything I’ve done--
Ach, who could do such things? And if one could, then who would forgive such things?”
This is the story of one man's dark path to redemption.
Lately, I’ve been feeling as if moving underwater through life and had to take a break from routine. So, I’ve been absent from here for a bit. In the interim, a friend shared with me the following film of an underwater artist. Took my breath away. One of the most beautiful presentations I’ve seen, it's proven hard not to replay it constantly. I’ve had dreams of dancing underwater, but I think my day will be in Heaven when I know I won’t drown. Interestingly, this video has helped me as a writer. More on that development will be revealed at a later time. For now, please enjoy this all-encompassing masterpiece.
Instead of coziness and festivity, my holiday season brought cold, hard challenges. A sudden death, (a tribute to my precious mother can be viewed at the following link: http://laconnerweeklynews.com/main.asp?SectionID=7&SubSectionID=33&ArticleID=1559&TM=41702.54), unforeseen travel and expenses, illnesses in the family leading to hospital stays, a long term writing/work project I’d invested in unexpectedly terminated… Long story short, in the span of a month it felt like undergoing a series of swift firm stomach punches. Stress finally knocked me off my feet with vertigo, and I was reeling adrift, like a storm-tossed vessel desperately in need of recovery.
Strangely enough, vertigo, although an awful sensation, was a blessing. It forced me to keep still, and through it I heard God’s voice through the currents of commotion. He addressed a particular scripture. “He who was seated on the throne said, ‘I am making everything new!’ Then he said, ‘Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.’" (Revelation 21:5).
Realization smacked me that I’m in a time of transformation. So, too, those nearest me with altering decisions yet to be made. The words of Vladimir Nabokov have come to mind. “Transformation… Transformation is a marvelous thing. I am thinking especially of the transformation of butterflies. Though wonderful to watch, transformation…is not a particularly pleasant process for the subject involved.”
For me, the New Year came in not with a jubilant bang but a hushed dawning. The following writer expressed a sentiment better than could I:
So, as 2018 wraps around you, may you embrace each day. Find something to be grateful for each morning as you rise to face the trials life brings. Troubles are a part of our existence. They will always come and go. But with intention, sometimes just by donning in a moment a humble spirit of thanksgiving, we can endure and expand hope to greater proportions.
DANCE THROUGH THE DARK, a Christian Paranormal/Supernatural Romance is offered FREE until 10/26/17. So, if you might like to read this genre-specific EBook, pick up your copy at Amazon.
Elyse Magellan auditions at a dance conservatory for the elite. Privileged she is not, and so presses on by sheer determination, talent—and hopefully a great deal of luck—to get into the prestigious school and resident company. But nothing overwhelms her more than the aristocratic Gabriel Krist – the school’s accompanist and concert pianist. Not only does he possess a compelling demeanor, he looks like a god, an angel pale and beautiful. He’d like to possess her, but is it for love or something else? What others in the wings say about him is a shrouded story. His promiscuous reputation has Elyse, the innocent, on edge. That’s not the only thing that troubles her. Gabriel is…different. Something dark resides in him. She doesn’t know what it is, this thing that urges her to run, yet she can’t seem to pull away. At the same time, Gabriel is desperate for someone to find even a flicker of goodness in his cursed and heartless soul. Dare he lead this young fawn in his irreparable dance through the dark? Or does she possess the wherewithal to lead him out of the shadows and into light? One choice changes everything.
I like being still. I like solitude. But I like them on my own terms. Having finished a two week mandatory rest due to a back injury I couldn't decide which was worse, the pain or the fixed inactivity. Drove “restless me” a bit crazy.
Ergonomics a “back” factor as well, the suggestion to sit balanced on an exercise ball for limited computer sessions to write and meet freelancing deadlines made me feel strangely disconnected. What kind of circus is this?
Fortunate in that I had managed to remain injury free throughout my previous years of dance, this whole thing I’m experiencing now, a sprain stemmed from a developed condition prevalent among older dancers, is weird.
My nature is to plow into interests rather than ease. When I had recently decided to return to dance I plowed. When will I become a graduate of the nagging KISS principle? Now I face several months of therapy before I can venture back to dance activities (harrumph). In a fit of rebellion I had wanted to deny the back condition, plug my fingers into my ears and sing, “LaLaLa-I-Can’t-Hear-You-LaLaLa.” Except, physical stipulations speak louder; my body won’t allow the revolt. What I’m learning here – what I've had to learn before – is that there are periods in life when one must exercise patience. Not only exercise but embrace. There is beauty in being still, but you have to truly be still – mind, body, spirit – to perceive it.
“Adopt the pace of nature; patience is her virtue.”—Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Be still, and know that I am God.”—Psalm 46:10
When a televised reality show/docudrama, Breaking Pointe, aired a six week behind-the-scenes glimpse into the company, Ballet West, depicting the inside world of a dancer (and believe me - it is such an inside world), I was motivated to watch. When I found that the show didn’t candy coat anything, instead displayed the “blood, sweat, and tutus” as another writer described it, I was tongue-in-cheek proud. Breaking Pointe is really, truly a blunt and honest portrayal of what it’s like to dance professionally; the dedication, commitment, passion, precision, pain, drama, obsessiveness, difficulty to maintain relationships due to the shifting nature of the work, demands, the need to excel, perfectionism, distinct lifestyle—even touching on the actual caloric consumption of a dancer (huge!)—all of it exposed and defined extremely well. Took me back, made me laugh, experience anxiety, feel anger, and cry. I’m crossing my fingers and hoping that a Season 2 is in the works. If not, at the very least, I keep up on the news from Ballet West. They’re definitely a company worth watching.